Question 1

Jacinda had promised (for the 3^rd time officially) to ‘fix’ the NZ property market.

Among the questions this statement raises are

1. How?
2. You have promised this before, failed, what are you going to do different this time?
3. Have you sold one of your 2 Auckland properties and are happy for the market to crash for now? 
4. What are you going to talk about this time? And still do nothing?

Question 2

The Wiggles have been declined MIQ vouchers.  This is because

1. They are not Cricketers from Pakistan or the West Indies or the teams that are to be admitted to play in the upcoming Womens series
2. They are not the Australian Rugby team
3. They are not “celebrity” enough
4. They are not a celebrity’s Dog Minder or Nanny.
5. They are not an America’s cup team or its billionaire owner
6. Chris and Jacinda’s “hypocrisy knows no bounds” (Val Kilmer in Wyatt Earp)

Question 3

Megan and Jacinda are still trucking out the old lemon “…it was the last national government that caused the problem with the property market.”

They do this because

1. The NZ public are sheep and believe everything they are told
2. Doing nothing and making these statements has worked for them so far
3. They have nothing else they can do or say to otherwise hide the near complete failure of the last 3 years.
4. They actually believe that fixing the supply side of the equation will fix property prices, ignoring historical low interest rates, and even if they succeed they will still significantly lag demand

Question 4

Following on from Australia (after all – like sheep we follow) New Zealand may be also be looking to change its Anthem to include more relevant and culturally sensitive wording

Proposed amendments are

1. The entire anthem in Te Reo
2. The inclusion of a longer instrumental stanza at the start – similar to the theme to The Muppet Show
3. The Howard Morrison Quartets version of “The Battle of Waikato”
4.  Patrioticheskaya Pesnya – The Soviet National Anthem (in Maori)

Question 5

Once again we have been told NZ has paid a premium to be first in queue for the vaccine.

As at today we have vaccinated precisely Zero New Zealanders (perhaps the only number we can Trust from our government).  54 – 55 countries have commenced vaccination programmes.

If we were ‘first’ or ‘one of the first’ but 54-55 countries are ahead, how then does the government define the word ‘first’?

1. First is a combination of adding up second, third and fourth to make yourself first (like the 2016 election – hahahahahahahaha)
2. First can also mean the first 93 countries – in line with the statement “we went hard and fast” but were the 93^rd country to do a damn thing about Covid
3. Look over there, JA is hugging another victim of something (but not Covid).
4. It is the same place the Cricket team came, which is why we offered them a victory parade for coming second.
5. What was the question?

Question 6

Government and health officials continue to espouse the benefits of wearing masks in public. 

When they appear at their press junkets none of them present in masks.  This is because…

1. They don’t believe what they are saying
2. They are hypocrites
3. They are incompetent
4. They know masks provide some but not  significant protection
5. All of the above

Where’s your mask, Hipkins, Bloomfield, Wiles, Baker, Ardern…….?